Shmucks I deal with (caution! post contains gratuitous use of the word Fuck)
I have to admit that normally I don't give two shits about work. But lately that place is sucking the life out of me. I can't fucking deal with rednecks, idiots, the elderly and their children for much longer. I really need to stab one of these fuckers. People are so not original when they deal with me. I hear the same old fucking washed up one liners from the guy who can't pronounce quesadilla. The next asshole that tells me "they wouldn't know where to put it" when I offer dessert is going to get a suggestion! They tell me at work that our customers are not "customers". They're "Guests"! Amazingly no fucking guest in my house allows their 2 year old to throw crackers, crayons, menus, silverware, napkins, and whatever else they can get their fucking hands on around my house.
Me: Can I get you something to drink?
Confused Customer #1: No Thanks...I'll have a water.
(suppressed comment)What will you be doing with it?
CC#2: What kind of soup do you have?
Me: Today we have chicken tortilla and french onion.
CC#2: Do you have Broccoli Cheese?
Me: No, only on tuesday.
CC#2: Oh so you don't have Broccoli Cheese?
Me: No.
CC#2: Do you have french onion?
Me: Yes
Confused Elderly Customer: Did I order this?
Me: Yes!
Redneck Customer: Can I git a coors light bottle?
Me: Would you like a glass with that?
Redneck: Doesn't it come in one?
(suppressed comment)Fuck you!
CC#3: Where are your restrooms?
Me: Straight ahead that way.
(suppressed comment)RIGHT UNDER THAT BIG FUCKING NEON RESTROOM SIGN!
Another random rant: If you want your steak well done...order chicken! It offends me that people ruin a perfectly good peice of meat by having the shit cooked out of it drowing it in A1 or even worse KETCHUP!
Tip for asshole customers: If you are a jack-off to your waitress, we all know about it. Not only that we are all staring at you. Talking shit about your mullet and fucking with your dinner!
posted by James @ 11:42 PM
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